I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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