What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
