I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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