Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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