Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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