Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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