I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
