Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
