home. puking in laundry basket.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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