You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
