I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
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I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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