Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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