My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
