dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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