you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
