when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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