Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
