Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
