bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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