yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
