You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Your cock deserves a montage
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
