I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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