I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this beer tastes like vomit already
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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