Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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