you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
