i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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