I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
did i walk over a car last night?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
