Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize