My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
