we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
