my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
