I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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