you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
