it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
