Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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