He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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