My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
