i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
