Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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