Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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