Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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