Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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