8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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