is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
