normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
