I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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