Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
