Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
