I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
