Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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