take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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