i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize