so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
