Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
