New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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