First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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