All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
