We won't sleep together?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
