Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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