I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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