I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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