I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
