his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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