She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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