I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
