I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
