You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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