I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
